Aaron asked a question yesterday which we've all asked in the last several years, but I'm beginning to think the answer is not, "We'll accomplish more by being silent." I believe we might accomplish more by leaving and letting a few key people know why.
Lack of leadership is a big reason, imho, small town churches tend to get more and more insular and hidebound - conservative is not the right description - hidebound suggests, to me anyway, the constricting ties of tradition, which can be present just as easily in a place where folks view themselves as "forward" thinking as anywhere else.
Lack of leadership at our church home caused Lyn and our family some heartache a few years ago. Lyn had painted a classroom wall in the style of the "And He Shall Be Called" poster with all the names of Jesus. Since she started it as a senior in high school, it took her about four months to finish, and I believe that is where the leadership began to fail. Someone complained about the color and the time factor and instead of either, A) talking to Lyn about color change or about speeding up if possible, or B) telling the complainer to be grateful a teen was giving instead of taking, our leadership chose C) do nothing and maybe it will all go away.
Of course it didn't go away, and the complainer recruited others to complain about the color while the wall was still just a blank brown and tan bunch of blotches. Lyn really got into gear about this time, mid winter things slowed for a minute at school, and finished the wall with names of Jesus used throughout the Bible. All were in different scripts and fonts, all hand lettered, all with scripture references. And then the complainer really got going saying it was offensive because it was a reminder of personal abuse associated with those colors. And, of course, the leadership did nothing until the foment spread to people taking sides. Keep in mind, we were telling Lyn not to say ANYTHING, but especially nothing negative. She had gotten permission to paint, she had gotten approval of her subject, it was out of her hands.
When the leadership was forced to finally do something, it was to come to Lyn to ask if she would mind if the wall was painted over. Lyn asked if the complainer could just switch classrooms. What a revelation! No one had really thought of that! So, the one elder who "ran into Lyn" asked if that would work...you already know the answer. "No! That is MY classroom and I am ..." and then there was an identifying statement which I'll not use here. And again, instead of option B, there was now a curtain hung over Lyn's artwork. That was the "compromise" someone suddenly came up with.
Fast forward 2 years. Our church participated in an area wide open house at Christmas to showcase the twelve classrooms which have been painted with murals, three of which are solely Lyn's work. A comment is made to an elder, not by anyone in this family nor did we know about it until after the fact, that the curtain will either come down, or an elder will be present in the room to explain its presence while we have visitors. The curtain came down. Many postive comments were made about all the rooms. (We happen to know that several preachers from more than just cofC's have asked to come to just sit and meditate in the "Jesus" room. I don't know if that is still going on.)
In the mean time, Scott resigned as deacon - he'd been trying to for a couple of years, and we finally left the church cleaning job. We were starting the new year off with trying to recommit to this church family, get involved again in a meaningful way without the nametag or limitations of deacon.
All this boils down to what happened yesterday and Aaron's question. The complainer came forward. We were surprised and I at least felt hopeful. The prewritten letter was read by the preacher, and all hope was dashed. This person's letter was chastising the fellowship for attacks made against them, that the attacks had escalated to death threats, a hangman's noose had been hung in the classroom doorway, and the removal of the object needed for their classtime (curtain) had resulted in a "breach of the compromise." I thought the preacher handled it well, he thanked this person for the courage it took to come forward and he prayed for this person.
So, there we are. More will now realize the problem is a mental unbalance. However, the leadership has been aware of this illness since well before this whole incident and has allowed this person to not only teach two classes, but has allowed this person to proclaim to be an instrumental leader of the congregation in very public venues where the nature of the illness is not known. This person has talked negatively about my child and my husband and now by the nature of this letter read in front of 287 people - thankfully no names were read - the whole mess will start up again.
I want advice. Do we leave quietly? Do we leave with an explanation by letter to the elders/minister? Do we stay and "suffer slings and arrows?" Do we do something else? Ideas, people. This has been my church home for 17 years. We used to laugh about being missionaries here, and things have changed for the better in some ways. Scott did lead negotiations which avoided a split in the congregation about ten years ago, so we have strong emotional ties. But it may be time to cut our losses and go.
