Garden Gnome

Lyn is home for two more weeks. Aaron won't be home for about two weeks. There will be a slight overlap while I do the last week of school, then the two of them will go back to Searcy where Lyn will spend all her time learning Italian and Aaron will spend all of his time reading obscure literature. Lyn and I are meeting Aaron in Memphis Saturday while Gene and Scott have a playdate in some other place. Ah, life.

Scott and I have planted 3 small gardens. I want one more. All together they aren't any bigger than 3 parking spaces, but we have potatoes (red and Yukon), asparagus, lettuce, onion, scallions, 5 varieties of peppers, tomatoes (2 varieties and colors), okra, squash, green beans, red daisies, catnip, thyme, basil, oregano, and parsley. The gardens are in separate places because of all of our tree cover. There are only a few spots which will get enough light to grow much but moss on this hill, and most of those are covered with either rock or house. We have a stump from 2 tornadoes ago which we've been burning for years. That seemed to be a good place for a garden. So far, the burn smell seems to be keeping the deer and the bunnies and the squirrels and the raccoons off the new plants. Someone did snack on a squash seed. The last garden is for watermelon and birdhouse gourds, maybe assorted flowers...I wonder if I can operate that plow?

I just wrote and deleted a paragraph which made me feel better, but which should not be in print. I may not like my job, but I do like having one. To mix lots of metaphors and throughly muddy the waters here, flying chips will have to fall some time. (I'll explain to Gene - he can pass on the skinny.)

Weekend Update

I understand two women do Weekend Update now. Is that a big deal? SNL used to be ahead of the curve. Guess that is partially why I stopped watching 20 years ago. They quit being relevant and just started following the political/social bandwagon. Twenty years ago, Baba Wawa on the desk was funny because Gilda was funny. It didn't matter who was on the desk with her. She could make you laugh about shoe polish. She didn't need to make fun of a social situation or a person, though she did both very well. Suddenly, say over the past ten years or so, if you can call that sudden, everyone has to make a political statement with all of their humor. Great comedy is in the everyday, not in the news. I miss Chevy, Steve, Bill, and Eddie. I miss Gilda and Jane. I miss Larry, Curly, and Moe. I miss Stan and Ollie. I miss the Keystone Kops. I didn't intentionally climb down the ladder of sophistication in humor as I wrote that list - I believe Gilda and Jane actually rank above Bill and Eddie - but as I wrote Larry, Curly and Moe, it occurred to me, I just miss simple, visual humor. There is commentary there that the Colbert Report will never reach. There is poignancy that is real - not contrived. Honesty that is apparent and not hidden with a smirk. I believe the slide might have actually started on its way to the current state of comedy on SNL. Church Lady, though funny and on point for the most part, opened the door to "We all know who the butt of the joke really is here, Christians just are so clueless about real issues." I enjoy smart humor; I get enough of smart alecks on a daily basis at work.

I did NOT sit down to write about that!

All you out there, stop right now and do a breast exam! Women, if you are at work, sneak off to the restroom, guys - no one will notice, believe me. You men are always rubbing or touching or scratching some part of your body. Men do get breast cancer. You aren't on the radar because yours don't have special underwear. The special underwear people have to keep ours healthy so we will buy more special underwear. Which, for the most part, we buy because of you. Either to keep you from staring or to make you stare. Depending on which side of 30 the special underwear was purchased. That can either be 30 years or 30 bucks. Take your pick.

Found a lump in Chicago. By the time I got into see all the folks with degrees, three of them said, "Wow, that's big!" or "No missing that, is there?" or my favorite "Do you feel that?" Duh, lady. Why do you think I'm letting you put this sensitive part of my body in that freezer door? So, here we are a week later after three mammograms (in the same day, within an hour of eachother - don't ever complain to me again about once a year) and an ultrasound where I'm watching the screen with her as the Black Hole in Space is measured and probed with depth charges. 5.1 cm. No one calls you with results - oops, just realized I didn't return a nurse's call! Have to do that Monday. But I did get two letters in the mail on the third day. First one I open says, "Thank you for visiting our office. We hope we were able to serve your needs. Your mammogram results show an area of concern, please follow up immediately with your doctor or this office." Good thing I was sitting down. Second letter starts out, this is above the folded part of the paper, "Ultrasound Reading by Premier Radiology." Nothing else but the date and my ssn and birthdate. I'm thinking, surely if this was bad, they wouldn't have waited on a letter to get to me. Someone would have called. I think they should call either way, because when the note said, "No noted signs of cancer associated with this abnormality. Please schedule again in six months," I still almost wet my pants.