Knit 1, Read 2

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Computer Cleanup Time

Found this I wrote about 2 years ago. Thought a couple of you might get a kick out of it and recognize a few people you may have known.

Southern Hair

I’m a woman in the midst of an identity crisis. I have a New Jersey native cutting my Southern hair. It isn’t that she doesn’t do a wonderful job, if and when I leave her to her own devices, it’s the communication barrier. She doesn’t understand the full range of hairism of the South.

First, there is Basic Southern Hair. This style has been adopted and refined by the LSU, Ole Miss, Georgia Tech, and Bama girls. It stretches across racial and economic cultures as easily as cornbread and biscuits. These women have “dos” that defy convertibles, damp football stadiums, early morning grocery shopping at the Hills, and children. These women always have perfect hair. It adapts itself to the circumstance to look lovely and dew kissed in pouring rain; it will look sexy and smart in the hot summer humidity; and best of all, it never looks styled. This style is the most expensive and most time consuming to maintain of all the Southern hair groups. BSH (Basic Southern Hair) comes with an obligatory set of heels and manicured nails. Pearls optional.

Then there is Full Gospel Hair. Full Gospel is not confined to religious groups who set a great store by a woman’s crown of glory. Neither is FGH always long and teased, or ratted to Heaven, as we like to say in the South. FGH has only one real qualification. Hair spray. For a while during the misguided 90’s, an economy can of Final Net was difficult to find at the local Wal-Mart. Droves of women took to shopping for hair products exclusively at beauty supplies and flea markets. Retailers finally got the message: We all weren’t longing to be Earth Mothers with stringy unkempt locks pulled back in a tacky scrunchy that matched our tee shirts. Hair spray is a necessary commodity to keep the crown and bangs at fresh-from-the-salon levels for days at a time. (Since the reintroduction of large cans of hair spray Wal-Mart stock has split twice.) Full Gospel hair always looks styled for any occasion. However, depending on the socio-economic upbringing of the wearer of FGH, you may catch her in curlers mowing the yard or just sort of flinging it all on the top of her head and holding it there with a coated rubber band to go to the Little League game or to drop the kids off at school. FGH can be maintained with ease by visiting a salon twice per decade or alternate presidential terms in the case of two term incumbents. Usually, whatever hairstyle was popular during the senior year of high school will serve well for thirty plus years. FGH comes complete with a range of clothing styles that make teenaged daughters groan whenever Mom goes out in public.

Finally, we come to Country Star Hair. CSH has been noticed, noted, and documented by several celebrity infochat shows. Often they interview stars’ stylists, who are major contributors to the Southern economy. Country Star Hair is made up of several elements, normally. First, there is the demi-wig or more recently, extensions. Then, we have products to create volume or lift. These gadgets look much like floral oasis. I don’t think you add water, though. Of course, the obligatory sprays, gels, mousses, clays, and mortar are all used to the extent that the ozone is thinning around certain tour venues. Finally, if the star insists and only if they’ve come to the music scene lately, some stylists will even incorporate the star’s own hair. Many Southern women strive to emulate CSH. Many Southern men succeed. Case in point, the mullet. The CSH must change with every new album cover or new spouse, whichever is the more frequent occasion. CSH comes with a navy or white ball cap to wear everywhere but church and of course on the new album cover.

CSH and FGH should not be confused with the subgroup, Texas Hair. Texas Hair is the subgroup into which almost all beauty contestants fall. Some contestants are moving toward the more natural look of Basic Southern Hair which is making identification of true Texans with Texas Hair easier to spot. My husband was recently at a convention in Denver when two women entered the conference hall. My husband turned to his companion and remarked, “Those women are from Texas.” Of course, his friend didn’t believe him. As the ladies came nearer, my husband commented their dress and hair declared the women were from the Dallas-Fort Worth area. When the two women happened to sit at the adjoining table, the friend couldn’t help but start a conversation to test the theory. He was utterly flabbergasted when the women introduced themselves and mentioned they were from Plano, TX, a suburb of…Dallas. Texas Hair comes with clothing that is tastefully and expensively embroidered or spangled.

Where my stylist and I can’t seem to find common ground is where my hair needs to fall. Most often, her choice is on the salon floor. I lean a bit more to FGH and CSH. She is trying to convert me to BSH, which is strange. She always has what looks like CSH to me, but as she has explained, it is not Southern hair at all. What she has is Atlantic City Hair. Ahhh. Maybe I need a trip to the Boardwalk for a little foreign exchange work. I wonder if ACH comes with skinny jeans and little designer tee shirts?

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

First time surgery

Been through hearing specialists forever, Aaron had shingles at age eight, Lyn has been in the ER more times than I can remember, but today was the first time I did surgery with a child. I did OK, I think. Oh, how did Lyn do? Well, apart from a minor do-over the doctor called after about an hour and a half into recovery, she seemed to do pretty well, too. She was really miserable for the first hour or so, until we figured out she was bleeding in her throat. Doc came in with some apperati, cauterized her throat, ick and ow, and after a good dose of pain meds and several popsicles later, Lyn was feeling much better. We were only there for six hours! Out patient is the way to go. The ride home wore her out, so we watched my Christmas present from Aaron, The Bishop's Wife, had another dose of pain meds, another popsicle, some ice cream, and she seems to be doing better again. Worst part? No pizza for three weeks! I'm not sure that is going to be in the realm of comfort. While I waited, instead of worrying, I watched two of the Back to the Future movies on TV learned how to knit a short row toe for the first pair of socks I'm going to knit for myself. I've only knit a couple of Christmas stockings before; this will be interesting. Thanks for the prayers everyone, I'm better now...oh, yeah, Lyn's fine, too.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Click the next title, Tammy

Lyn has linked to her xanga site so you can all (Tim) see Lyn's 4 pieces she brought home. I didn't realize Lyn had talent until her junior year of high school. Her first self portrait blew me away. This one is even better. Yes, you would recognize her in the street from this portrait even though it is in "chunks."

By the way, did I mention I birthed her 20 years ago tomorrow? And that Scott graduated a mere 2 1/2 hours before said birthin? Lovely day. Get all the family together and take care of business!

for some reason, the link isn't working. The url is: www.xanga.com/violynrushton

mom made me do this...

ok, so i hate blogger... with a passion. i PassiOn(ed). so- there is a link to this post on my xanga- cause that just makes my life easier... whether its' easier for you... eh... probably not. and for that... i am deeply sorry.
-lyn

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Not to Worry, Round 2

After the third doctor pooh-poohed the breast lump and said the tumors were most likely fibroid and sent me home, I got a phone call about a week later. Has it been a week yet? I'm not sure anymore. Oh well. Next thing I know, the nurse is calling saying that we can wait until the situation is an absolute have-to right now sort of thing, or go ahead with a hysterectomy now while I am healthy, wealthy, and under the influence of too many exams. So, sometime after the first of the year, not really sure when, I'll be doing the party. Somehow, it was a bit more difficult to make the final decision when it was a fact instead of a wish. No idea of details yet. More to come, as well as more exams, I'm sure!
Lyn is home. Brought home some really fabulous stuff from her latest classes. One about abortion that is really powerful. One is a collage of her face - awesome.
More to tell later. With all that has been going on, I've not put up a tree of any kind. We are going to do that in a few minutes, both start and put the tree up; and then I'm going to a movie with my family and not stressing about anything but telling my dad about my surgery. That is tomorrow.
love to all!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Don't know much yet

Don't know much to tell you readers yet. I figure I'll find something out tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. Last word was probably nothing to worry about. The breast lump pic looks benign - no further tests there, and after a very personal ultrasound and having the hands of Presley laid upon me (yes, the doc's name is Presley) said owner of the hands said the other tumor looks like it is about at 10 weeks size so we probably won't do anything if they are just fibroids. I found out from the ultrasound tech that there are actually 2 tumors, one about 1" across and the other about 30 grams - so about half a paper clip box maybe?
I'm absolutely dying to tell you my analogy of the exam. It has to do with a certain co-star of Fay Wray and Hostess products. Your mind may wander as it will. I won't write it here.
Relieved that they are probably fibroid, disappointed that I wouldn't get to have a party that way, but the current relief far outweighs the disappointment. If there is any change in plans, I'll be sure to send out invitations. I can tell you, it was an interesting week. I don't think the janitor or the parking attendant came in any of the exam rooms, but I'm sure I saw the Pepsi man.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'm not scared, I'm not sad

I've had two experiences in the last 24 hours which have had rather profound effects on me. Just a few minutes ago, I threw away one of the last dishcloths Mother made. It had a huge hole in it and it wouldn't bleach again without totally disintegrating. I held it and thought about washing it and putting it in the drawer just as it was. Then, it occurred to me that Mother taught me to knit, so even if the things she made wear out from use and love, I won't wear out the skill she gave me. That is the big present, not the dishcloth, so I smiled and pitched that smelly dishcloth in the trash without a bit of regret. It was just string. (besides, I have some for Lyn and Aaron in the cedar chest!)

The next one has to be dealt with with humor until there is a reason to be scared, so don't you be worried, either. I went to the urologist yesterday because I'd been having blood in my urine despite rounds of antibiotics to get rid of it. I'm usually a slow healer from UTIs. Hurrah for clear kidneys and bladders! But, to be on the safe side, my doctor did a CT scan. My uterus is taking up far more space than her fair share in my pelvis. So, I'm thinking I'll soon be giving a no more tampons party and all you girls are invited. (To my sensitive son, you'll get over it if you aren't invited. And...just be glad I'm not like the mom who was trying to help her son desensitize by saying "penis, vagina, penis, vagina..." all the way home from school the day of the "sex" talk in health class. ) I am not at all concerned about a hysterectomy, if that is where this is going, which is my first choice if they let me play doctor. My prayer is that there isn't anything my family will suffer through. Other than that, I'm OK.

Love you all!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Don't Mess With ME TODAY!

Today, since it is the first Saturday after December 1, I will be cleaning the living room, dining room and kitchen in preparation to putting up the Christmas trees. There are two men peacefully slumbering right now, who will get a nice breakfast, never knowing what is about to hit them. All the boxes have to come down from the attic, branches must be "fluffed", lights must be checked, light schemes must be preappoved, and a decision must be made about the den tree.
The den tree may have to go by the wayside since things are so crowded in there right now. The boys got a projector last year for Christmas, so we have to leave the screen available for Lord of the Rings day, White Christmas/It's a Wonderful Life evening, and Santa Clause afternoon. Plus, I bought a new couch, love seat and chair. Loveseat goes to the office bedroom as soon as I get the chair my parents started housekeeping with (it was bought seriously used 65 years ago) and the flower power chair covered with the leather I bought last October.) It would be a nice relief on or about January 1 to only have one tree to disassemble, but where to put the ornaments? How do you decide which ones go on and which ones stay in the box? Maybe Scotts's theme tree will go in the kitchen this year and the other big tree will go in the dining room and we will just eat on trays all month.
My mother always thought I was nuts for putting up so many trees at Christmas (I think our biggest year was 5) until she came to see them. Then she was enchanted, as corny as some of it is, and blessed us for the efforts. I'm so glad she came to see it.
My obsession comes partly from a childhood of not making much of a deal about the holiday and then as a teen not doing gifts anymore after Bob was in a coma for so many months and getting to come home for a while right before Christmas. That was a good year. I wasn't much on decorations and such either until Lyn was born at Christmas. We wanted Aaron to feel like it was such a special present to be getting a baby at Christmas time. At three, he said his best present that year was his little sister! Awww. (He had flatly stated just a few days before that she was a brother and that we'd have to wait til Sunday for a sister. )
Things have just grown a bit since then. Well, we'll manage.
I MUST get STARTED!